Dearest smooches,
I sit on the deck of my uncompleted house,this morning, watching the beautiful sunrise, trying to make melody of the un-rhythmic chirps of the birds in the sky, their colorful wings forming wonderful images before my almost unclear eyes. I try to sway to the voices of the wind, still yet my hands wouldn't move from beneath my chin, my eyes closed I'm lost in thoughts. My heart can't appreciate the beauty of this day, i've just been broken hearted, a result of the decisions i did not decidedly make. I remember clearly, how it started, it started with an undecided mind a few months ago, now it all makes sense to me when they say "If u stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything". Well for a long time, I stood for something, yes i did, i stood for something, but for a brief moment, i stepped off and fell for another thing, representative of anything, and that exactly is what brought me here.
My dearest child, believe me when i say you will not understand the intricate details of this story, but somewhere in n
earest future, you will. You see, this battle isn't exactly about me, but rather for you.
Let me take you back a bit. When i was a little child, i had dreams, i wanted to be a princess so badly, i'd daydream in class, about my father being crowned a king, and i a princess. But as i grew older, reality dawned on me, i was never going to be a princess and yes, while my father is relative to some title in his home town, he wasn't close be beingcrowned a chief, let alone a king, no he wouldn't, and we were going to remain the comfortable middle class family that will always be grateful to God for every little breakthrough we had.
Yet i grew older, but i hadn't realised that i was indeed from a royal family. Yet i grew older some more, and with a little understanding and some wisdom,I realised that i, infact was a princess! Yes sweetie, mommy is a princess. I came to understand that i have another father(not ur grandpa) but the one that created me and He's a King. He is a King that even other kings worship, popularly known as the King of kings. His kingdom is not here on earth, rather, the whole earth is His footstool and His kingdom is in Heaven. Mommy is aprincess dear, and her Father King is a great King. But mommy wasn't brought up as a princess andshe tried to but couldn't live upto the expectations of a princess, she gave out her heart to someone who didn't understand a thing about royalty. Believe my dear when i say i have no regrets whatsoever, because the lessons i learnt have added a lot to me and i'll pass them on to you. Experience, they say is the best teacher, but you don't have to experience it first hand, i won't let it anyway, you'll learn from me.
My Father King always said in His wise book of Proverbs, "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life". For a long time, i didn't quite understand what exactly this meant, I used to think that u had to follow your heart, but now I know better. I know that while you wish to follow your heart, you also have obligations to perform, duty to this royalty I so longed for, I had to keep my heart, but I didn't. I didn't obey, I followed my heart foolishly, and yes he was a great person, yet, he didn't know a thing about royal ethics, especially this kind of royalty and so whenever mommy made a mistake, he'll say really mean and harsh words that would make me sad, then my same heart that led me here, would bring back my father's words.."Keep your heart with all diligence..."
One day, I was reading again the Father's book and I came upon another wise word "Do not give that which is Holy to the dogs, ,neither cast your pearls before swine, else, they trample them under their feet and turn again and reed you", that instant, reality washed over me, as I recalled the disapproving voice of my father, family and friends, no matter how much he loves mommy and her royal garment and crown, he cannot understand the value, not as much as someone with a royal lineage. Baby, it was a tough decision to make, but I had to. I had to grow up like u will someday, I had to live up to full potentiality of my royalty. I'm a princess, a royal priesthood, I deserve nothing but the best and I made up my mind not to settle for less. I'm taking a stand for something again, I'm making this fight for you, I never want you to question your royalty like I did, your daddy is also a prince..I can almost see your smile..I'm taking this stand for you and I. I can feel my Father-King smile down at me, glad I attuned my ears to His words.Baby, when you finally come, I'll make sure you grow up like the princess you truly are, I'll make sure you never settle for less, do my best to bring you up with Father King's words, it'll lighten your path, I'll teach you the best I can, I'll tell you everyday how obedience is better than sacrifice, I'll remind you that you're a royal priesthood. You're dedicated already to our Heavenly father, He loves you, He's blessed you and I know that by His grace, you'll live up to the full potentiality of your royalty and blessings. He's made you a light to your generation already. He indeed is your portion. I'll make sure you never make the mistakes I made. I'll smother you with kisses and love. I look forward to having a life with you and your daddy. I look forward to hearing you giggle and holding you u in my arms, hearing all about the boys whne you're a teenager. But till then smooches, I have to get back in to wash the plates, clean the house, read my books, and pray for the man who'll sweep me off my feet and eventually become your dad.
xoxo.
Love,
Mum.
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